The feeling of guilt is not one that I really don’t enjoy, nor do many I’m sure. I’m constantly torn between if i should feel guilty for enjoying this life I’ve chose here or relish this feeling of happiness.
At the young age of 21 I’ve moved across the ocean, alone, and the feeling of being homesick hasn’t been apparent yet, but that’s not to say I don’t miss my family. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about the people in my life that have cared for me for the past 21 years of my life, but the lifestyle I was living is something I know I will not return to. Going from a village of 600 people to one of the largest cities in the world wasn’t as big as a culture shock as I had thought. Maybe it was because I knew it was time for a change of my comfortable life full of routine or simply the fact I am now living in such a beautiful city. I’ve always had a difficult time expressing my emotions and feelings because I rarely can determine the exact reason I feel a certain way.
These past couple of months I have experienced emotions that I never knew existed until now. Of course I’ve felt an absurd amount of sadness and shed some tears but above all of that I’ve found that it is possible to wake up and experience a sense of happiness each and every day. Then I have to ask myself, what has given me these new found feelings? Is it this family? The city? My new friends? or the lifestyle itself?
This past weekend I had a conversation with a really great friend about what being successful means to the both of us. Many people would think that acquiring money has a lot to do with feeling accomplished but I feel there are so many successful pleasures that come before that. For me, being successful is finding the things in life that don’t necessarily feel like work but bring joy to my life. Graduating college is obviously a successful feeling but I still didn’t feel that sense of accomplishment because it wasn’t truly what I wanted to be doing at that time. My decision to come to Paris has brought me great success as I have seen parts of the world I had only ever dreamed out and have been able met lifelong friends that I hope to keep ever when this journey of my life is over.
I believe that happiness is found when you are truly content with the choices you’ve made in order to have led to the life you’re living. Complete happiness is unbelievably hard to find because there will always be times when you’re not content with things happening in your life but having those moments where you feel on top of the world is something everyone should be able to experience at least once in their life. Whether that means hitting the home run in your final game of the season, or bringing a child into the world, you too can experience anything you put your mind to.