Decisions will be the death of me

I’ll admit it, i’m a perfectionist. I always want to know what i’m doing next and hate change. Of course, I’ve had to step outside of my comfort zone a little bit, okay A LOT, since being here in Paris. I am never 100% of what i’m doing from one day to another which has been a huge change for me, but definitely a much needed one. As I’ve learned the hard way, life isn’t perfect as much as I would love for it to be, and for everything to also work out as planned.

Here I am with about eight months left of my time here abroad and i’m already thinking of “what’s next”. This could be a negative thing of course because when I think, i tend to over think which leads to stress and as we all know, stress is never good. Logically speaking I should at least have an idea of where I want to go when I’m finished, let alone what I want to be doing there. There’s so many questions and decisions to make and yes, I realize that I still have a long time until I make the final move, there’s a lot of preparation that needs to happen in order for some of those choices to even be possible.

Up until today I was dead set against taking another semester of french lessons after Christmas. For one, they are 500 euros every 10 weeks, secondly,I didn’t feel that I’m learning enough in my classes as it is. Of course there’s always something that will make you second guess your decision.  Today in class we we were informed of a professional french class aimed at students that want a more advanced class leading to a certificate in the end which is recognized worldwide. Considering I have an education in the finance industry this could be extremely helpful, but is that really what I want with my life?

How am I supposed to know.

Stats show that people change jobs 5-7 in their lifetime so at least this gives me hope that even if it’s not what I “want” I’ll eventually get there.

Maybe I’ll go back to university or open a bakery but the unfortunate thing is that the only person that can decide that is simply me, and I have no answer. I need to keep my head up and my options open because I am not going to let myself fall back into the stressful life I was living, when really there was no stress needed at all. I tend to get caught up in trying to always make the right choice, which I’ve learnt is not always possible because who can declare the correct choice in any given situation anyways. I have dreams as does anyone, and yes some are unrealistic but this path i’m on currently had definitely given me faith that when you let go and just live, you’ll find happiness which is what we all should want in the end. I’ve grown up watching so many people around me living their lives in an atmosphere that they aren’t happy with and I’m determined not to let myself fall onto that path.

So my decision? I still don’t a direct answer which must mean that I have yet to find what I came here for. Time will tell all.

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The Mindful Maritimer

I'm a 23 year old travel addict, health coach and thriving foodie! Follow my journey of overcoming my eating disorder while traveling the world!

2 thoughts on “Decisions will be the death of me”

  1. I struggle with perfectionism, too, and studying abroad really has helped me get some certain things in control and realize that everything will be okay in the end! Glad to hear you are feeling the same!

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