Tonight I explained what student loans were to Perrine and the fact that I had just made my first payment today. She responded with “Why aren’t your parents paying for your school?” I was taken off guard considering that’s not something that i would have even considered being a possibility. I then clarified that 1. I don’t expect my parents to have the obligation to pay for something that I choose to do with my life 2. The fact that I have three other siblings that will too someday be going to university. You wanna know what reaction prevailed from my reasoning?
A big old “sucks to be you”
This is when I became a bit infuriated, okay a lot. I tried to stay calm because she’s 6, only 6 but still! My response probably could have been a bit nicer put but it went a little something like this:
I could care less if I have to pay back my student loans for the rest of my life, work three jobs, or sacrifice my hobbies I will NEVER, and I mean NEVER regret those children coming into my life. I’m a proud big sister and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Yeah maybe things would be different if I was an only child, but in my eyes different being worse off.
Growing up for the first seven years of my life I was an only child and not until now do I realize how lucky I truly am that my 3 siblings came along. Of course having everything to yourself if great but never having those sibling rivalries, sisterly fights or constant arguments. I mean who wouldn’t want those right? Actually, the answer is right; more than right to be exact. Siblings are a blessing at least I know that mine have been. Yes we argue, a lot, but that’s part of the fun.
I often sit here and watch Perrine and think of myself when I was in her situation and her age. I played alone, she plays alone. She’s competitive with everything whereas competition was what I lived for. She strives for perfection; that might as well be my middle name.
Then comes the difficulty for me as I constantly have to come up with things to occupy her because she’s alone. That being said she is extremely independent as I was and still am today so she is able find things to do but playing alone is only fun for so long. She never complains about having to occupy herself or independently find things to keep herself busy but I know that she wonder what it would be like to have another sibling.
When I get annoyed at her, there usually a good reason, but then I have to think about the reason of why she acted out. Maybe she’s bored, annoyed, hurt, who knows. What I do know is that she didn’t ask to be an only child and it’s not her fault she’s spoiled beyond belief. Her parents longed for a child and they were blessed with one and only one, making her their miracle child. Logically speaking this could be a great reason why she is so fortunate but that’s how she’s been and no matter what I want to do about it I can’t. I too was once her too.
What I can do is to be there for her as not only an au pair but a big sister, a friend and a role model. I can’t change the facts or the situation but I can make this year one for her to remember.